Week 2 272.2!!
Starting weight- 280.66
Total weight loss to date- 8.46
I'm feeling pretty good about that. 8.46 lbs in a week? Of course the first week it's expected to see loss like that (well, if you're good). I've upped my water intake drastically, and I've remembered what it's like to pee every 5 seconds. I'm expecting my body to adjust here pretty soon. I've also had some epiphanies this week, I figure it's only fair to share, well, and if I don't write them down I'll probably forget them- so it's to remind myself in a couple of weeks when I get frustrated with myself.
Epiphany #1. Water is your friend. It is always your friend.
Epiphany #2. I like to exercise productively. Do an exercise video? Not so much, shovel snow (which gets something done and gets me bonus points with the Chubby Hubby) yes. I have enjoyed (and worked harder in) classes with other people. I need to find a spin class or yoga class to join without joining a gym.
Epiphany #3. Chewing (sugar free) gum can fulfill a sweet craving
Epiphany #4. I did have desert this week. Having one dessert won't kill me or make me fatter- it's the making a pan of brownies and then picking at them for 3 days in a row that will do that. I'd rather spend the money and go out and have one 'portion' (although we know portions at restaurants are ridiculous) and be done with it then 'save money' by making something at home.
Epiphany #5. I can do this. I really can. I bypassed treats at several functions this week. Saying, 'no thanks, I'm on a diet' really works. People aren't blind, they can see that I'm obese. (I don't like that word- but it's the honest truth). They can see that I need it. I need to see it too.
The plan for next week- Still modified South Beach diet. Still work on exercising, call around to find out about a class of some sort.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
How to NOT White Knuckle it
So this isn't the first time I've been determined to get to a healthy weight. It's not even the 10th time or the 20th time. This has been a lifelong struggle for me. So what makes me so certain this time? I'm determined to not 'white knuckle' it. I need to make lifestyle changes that I can live with and still continue to get my body into a healthy 'zone'. I'm laying off my dependency on the scale and while I'll still be weighing in, I'm trying to focus more on how I feel.
This week I've felt pretty good. We had planned to go out with some friends for dessert on Thursday several weeks ago, so we decided to go regardless of diet. I tried to convince the chubby hubby to share so we'd eat half as much, but he's an all or nothing guy. He'd rather have no oreos or 12 oreos- not just 2. I ordered what looked good, and I enjoyed it- but I didn't guilt myself into eating the whole thing because, 'I'd paid good money for it.' I ate until it stopped tasting delicious and until I was satisfied. I still only ate about half. I was pretty proud of myself for that.
We're still doing no carb/sugar for the next week- but after that we're only doing max of one carb a day- and only whole grain. Although I'm thinking maybe only one carb every other day. I see serious results when I cut that out. I know that grains are important, but it seems like so many are so refined that they've lost their nutritional value.
Sugar is another big problem for me. I make cookies and have probably 5 cookies worth of dough while making them, and then eat 8 or 9 while they're cooling. It's like I can't stop. So my plan is to just not have it around the house, not never ever have sugar- but only for special occasions and when we go out- which isn't often.
This week I've felt pretty good. We had planned to go out with some friends for dessert on Thursday several weeks ago, so we decided to go regardless of diet. I tried to convince the chubby hubby to share so we'd eat half as much, but he's an all or nothing guy. He'd rather have no oreos or 12 oreos- not just 2. I ordered what looked good, and I enjoyed it- but I didn't guilt myself into eating the whole thing because, 'I'd paid good money for it.' I ate until it stopped tasting delicious and until I was satisfied. I still only ate about half. I was pretty proud of myself for that.
We're still doing no carb/sugar for the next week- but after that we're only doing max of one carb a day- and only whole grain. Although I'm thinking maybe only one carb every other day. I see serious results when I cut that out. I know that grains are important, but it seems like so many are so refined that they've lost their nutritional value.
Sugar is another big problem for me. I make cookies and have probably 5 cookies worth of dough while making them, and then eat 8 or 9 while they're cooling. It's like I can't stop. So my plan is to just not have it around the house, not never ever have sugar- but only for special occasions and when we go out- which isn't often.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Becoming more active
Today as a family we went out and played together in the snow. We built snowmen, went sledding and had a snowball fight. It was fun, but by the time we were done I was sore and sweaty. I need to find more ideas for 'exercise' that's disguised as fun. I don't want to just be skinnier (although I'd be fine with, about average) but I want to be in shape. I want to be able to run and play without being winded. I want to be able to get up off the floor after playing with my kids.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I Know I Can! I Know I Can!
I am a can do person when it comes to most things. Washing machine broken? I'll figure out how to fix it on the internet and then fix it. Same with the dishwasher. Write a book in a month? Sure, I can do that too! Most things I am this way. But for some reason I've got a block when it comes to losing weight. I'm not sure why that is. It's not comfortable (for me) being a size 22. I don't like the way I look or the way I feel this heavy. I want to be cute and fit and trim. I want to be able to hike with my husband and kids, I want to be able to wear cute clothes and feel comfortable in my skin. I want to live for a long, long time.
But I sabotage myself. Oh, how I sabotage myself. It's like I don't want to be skinny. Or even 'healthy looking'. I do self destructive behavior, knowing at the moment that I'm doing it that it's self destructive! Why do I do that to myself? What is the purpose? Do I think I'm not good enough to be thin? Am I not worth it? Yesterday (if you'll notice on my side blog) I broke down. I was cleaning out my pantry to get rid of all the leftover Christmas candy. I snuck a couple of pieces. But true to my honesty policy I put them on the side blog, along with the three THREE rice crispy treats I had. Sigh. Not one, but three. What is wrong with me? The kicker? I was talking on the phone with a friend about weight loss while I was eating them. I need a sweet strategy. I'm going to the store today to pick up some varieties of gum to help with that.
It's not like I want to or plan on cutting out sweets entirely for my entire life. I just need to cut them out for a week or two so that I can kill the cravings. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I sent the remaining rice crispy treats with my daughter to her friend's American Idol Party last night. They're gone. We're moving on. Today will be better, today I'll do better. I can do this! I know I can!
But I sabotage myself. Oh, how I sabotage myself. It's like I don't want to be skinny. Or even 'healthy looking'. I do self destructive behavior, knowing at the moment that I'm doing it that it's self destructive! Why do I do that to myself? What is the purpose? Do I think I'm not good enough to be thin? Am I not worth it? Yesterday (if you'll notice on my side blog) I broke down. I was cleaning out my pantry to get rid of all the leftover Christmas candy. I snuck a couple of pieces. But true to my honesty policy I put them on the side blog, along with the three THREE rice crispy treats I had. Sigh. Not one, but three. What is wrong with me? The kicker? I was talking on the phone with a friend about weight loss while I was eating them. I need a sweet strategy. I'm going to the store today to pick up some varieties of gum to help with that.
It's not like I want to or plan on cutting out sweets entirely for my entire life. I just need to cut them out for a week or two so that I can kill the cravings. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I sent the remaining rice crispy treats with my daughter to her friend's American Idol Party last night. They're gone. We're moving on. Today will be better, today I'll do better. I can do this! I know I can!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Why I'm Tired of Being Fat
So I recently got back from a vacation. Usually at home I wear yoga pants most of they day. I don't usually go places, and when I do I'll change into some jeans (size 22, starting to be too small) wear them while I'm out and then when I come home I'll change into yoga pants again. On this trip I wore jeans much more then I usually do and it was uncomfortable. Every time we went back to our room I'd have to either undo or take off my pants. Maybe I'd eat less if I wore jeans more often?
I also was incredibly uncomfortable on more then one occasion. The plane ride out there to start with, I was just too big. I fit in the seat, just barely, could put the seat belt on, just barely, and luckily it was a short flight. I don't know when I'll be flying again (since I don't do it often) but by next time I need to be more comfortable.
There were several things that looked like they might be fun on my trip, but they had weight limits, or activity level limits. Like last summer when we went to an amusement park and I was too heavy to go on one of the rides. On the way home from our trip we rode on a different plane. It was smaller, and I had gained some weight from the food on our vacation. The seatbelt didn't fit. I was just too fat. I was too embarrassed to ask for a seat belt extender (especially surrounded by co-workers) so I laid my jacket across my lap to cover up that my seat belt wasn't fastened.
I don't want to be too fat to participate in life's activities. I'm too young to be watching from the sidelines!
I also was incredibly uncomfortable on more then one occasion. The plane ride out there to start with, I was just too big. I fit in the seat, just barely, could put the seat belt on, just barely, and luckily it was a short flight. I don't know when I'll be flying again (since I don't do it often) but by next time I need to be more comfortable.
There were several things that looked like they might be fun on my trip, but they had weight limits, or activity level limits. Like last summer when we went to an amusement park and I was too heavy to go on one of the rides. On the way home from our trip we rode on a different plane. It was smaller, and I had gained some weight from the food on our vacation. The seatbelt didn't fit. I was just too fat. I was too embarrassed to ask for a seat belt extender (especially surrounded by co-workers) so I laid my jacket across my lap to cover up that my seat belt wasn't fastened.
I don't want to be too fat to participate in life's activities. I'm too young to be watching from the sidelines!
The First Day of the Rest of My Life
I've had many first days when it comes to my weight loss struggles. Many diets have come and gone and I've lost weight (up to 40 lbs at one point) and gained it all back plus some. I'm at my heaviest weight ever. As of this morning 280.66 lbs. I can't tell you how frightening that number is. But 250 was frightening too, as were many other numbers. But I've passed them by. But today is different. I've got resolve. I've got determination. I've also got this blog. As many different weight loss techniques that I've tried I've never really tried talking about my feelings and allowing myself to be fully and brutally honest. This is my safe place to do that. With everything but my name and identity. In order to truly be honest I feel the need to hide my face. For here and for now I am the Fat Sister.
I have seven sisters, and of the seven I've always been the fattest. Not that they are fat, none of them are. I outweigh all of them by at least 100 lbs. But I'm betting closer to 125-130 lbs. I've always started with a goal in mind, a specific number that I want to get to. But this time my goal is my health. I know the magic number is somewhere under 200 lbs. Probably closer to 150, but when I put it in numerical terms it seems so completely and totally overwhelming.
On my paternal side both grandparents, both aunts and an uncle have type two diabetes. There are also cholesterol problems, heart problems, and blood pressure problems. I have children that I need to live for. At the age of 29 I'm too young to be this fat. I don't currently have serious health problems. My blood pressure has always been low. I don't have diabetes. But I do have migraines and back problems. My knees and feet hurt a lot- mostly because of the weight put on them I would guess.
The plan this time is baby steps. A process of small lifestyle changes and incrementally taking it to the next level so that I don't get overwhelmed and quit. My husband is joining me in this journey, although he doesn't know about this blog at the moment- that may change. He wants to lose about 25-30 lbs. His doctor is concerned about his blood pressure and has encouraged him to do this as well. But my journey needs to continue far longer then his. I need to be able to keep our diet changes going so that it's our regular routine.
The most dramatic steps are starting today. After two weeks I'll be adding stuff.
The current goals:
1. Drink more water- minimum 64 ounces a day- I'm aiming for 3 refills of my 32 oz cup
2. Exercise 5 times a week- this may sound like a lot, but I'm counting 15 minutes as exercise, rather then trying to exercise for an hour 5 times a week. I want to make the frequency a habit, and when I need/want more focus on changing the duration rather then the frequency.
3. Modified South Beach Phase 1- Meals are lean meats, veggies (non starchy) and fruits. For the next two weeks no carbs. Sugars are eliminated completely (except for those naturally occurring in fruits and veggies.) Low fat dairy is also included.
4. Honesty is the best policy- I'm blogging daily about weight loss struggles that I face. I'll be baring my soul- and my gut. Pictures coming soon. Weigh ins weekly, pictures monthly along with measurements.
I have seven sisters, and of the seven I've always been the fattest. Not that they are fat, none of them are. I outweigh all of them by at least 100 lbs. But I'm betting closer to 125-130 lbs. I've always started with a goal in mind, a specific number that I want to get to. But this time my goal is my health. I know the magic number is somewhere under 200 lbs. Probably closer to 150, but when I put it in numerical terms it seems so completely and totally overwhelming.
On my paternal side both grandparents, both aunts and an uncle have type two diabetes. There are also cholesterol problems, heart problems, and blood pressure problems. I have children that I need to live for. At the age of 29 I'm too young to be this fat. I don't currently have serious health problems. My blood pressure has always been low. I don't have diabetes. But I do have migraines and back problems. My knees and feet hurt a lot- mostly because of the weight put on them I would guess.
The plan this time is baby steps. A process of small lifestyle changes and incrementally taking it to the next level so that I don't get overwhelmed and quit. My husband is joining me in this journey, although he doesn't know about this blog at the moment- that may change. He wants to lose about 25-30 lbs. His doctor is concerned about his blood pressure and has encouraged him to do this as well. But my journey needs to continue far longer then his. I need to be able to keep our diet changes going so that it's our regular routine.
The most dramatic steps are starting today. After two weeks I'll be adding stuff.
The current goals:
1. Drink more water- minimum 64 ounces a day- I'm aiming for 3 refills of my 32 oz cup
2. Exercise 5 times a week- this may sound like a lot, but I'm counting 15 minutes as exercise, rather then trying to exercise for an hour 5 times a week. I want to make the frequency a habit, and when I need/want more focus on changing the duration rather then the frequency.
3. Modified South Beach Phase 1- Meals are lean meats, veggies (non starchy) and fruits. For the next two weeks no carbs. Sugars are eliminated completely (except for those naturally occurring in fruits and veggies.) Low fat dairy is also included.
4. Honesty is the best policy- I'm blogging daily about weight loss struggles that I face. I'll be baring my soul- and my gut. Pictures coming soon. Weigh ins weekly, pictures monthly along with measurements.
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