I Know I Can! I Know I Can!

I am a can do person when it comes to most things. Washing machine broken? I'll figure out how to fix it on the internet and then fix it. Same with the dishwasher. Write a book in a month? Sure, I can do that too! Most things I am this way. But for some reason I've got a block when it comes to losing weight. I'm not sure why that is. It's not comfortable (for me) being a size 22. I don't like the way I look or the way I feel this heavy. I want to be cute and fit and trim. I want to be able to hike with my husband and kids, I want to be able to wear cute clothes and feel comfortable in my skin. I want to live for a long, long time.

But I sabotage myself. Oh, how I sabotage myself. It's like I don't want to be skinny. Or even 'healthy looking'. I do self destructive behavior, knowing at the moment that I'm doing it that it's self destructive! Why do I do that to myself? What is the purpose? Do I think I'm not good enough to be thin? Am I not worth it? Yesterday (if you'll notice on my side blog) I broke down. I was cleaning out my pantry to get rid of all the leftover Christmas candy. I snuck a couple of pieces. But true to my honesty policy I put them on the side blog, along with the three THREE rice crispy treats I had. Sigh. Not one, but three. What is wrong with me? The kicker? I was talking on the phone with a friend about weight loss while I was eating them. I need a sweet strategy. I'm going to the store today to pick up some varieties of gum to help with that.

It's not like I want to or plan on cutting out sweets entirely for my entire life. I just need to cut them out for a week or two so that I can kill the cravings. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I sent the remaining rice crispy treats with my daughter to her friend's American Idol Party last night. They're gone. We're moving on. Today will be better, today I'll do better. I can do this! I know I can!